Alex James - I Support President Uribe

Yes, I perhaps should have been unsurprised by the rather superficial nature of the Panorama investigation fronted by Alex James of Blur (not a band that have ever been to my taste, I despised Britpop, anyway, I digress...). The programme essentially put out the message that, like, cocaine is wrong man. People, like, die and stuff. Well fuck me, do I really need some washed up pop star from an overrated pop band to tell me that? No, I fucking didn't mainly because I have the odd brain cell knocking around inside my head something that many pop stars seem to be sadly lacking (perhaps due to all the charlie that happily inhale up their noses - which is in turn an attempt to cover up the stench of the god awful shite they trot out).

One of James' pearls of wisdom was his description of 'Plan Colombia' as 'controversial', although there was no explanation why this might be (apart from a fleeting visit to one farmer's banana crop that had been ruined by the random spraying - well, I say 'random'). No mention whatsoever of the catastrophic effect that this policy has had on the people living in rural parts of Colombia, not to mention neighboring countries in South America. Yes, clearly Plan Colombia is 'controversial', perhaps James should win an award for biggest understatement of the century. However, one other moment really underlined how out of his depth the WigWam star really was.

James practically wanked himself into a frenzy over his audience with President Uribe. The sense that James was rubbing his crutch during Uribe's impassioned pleas was palpable. So much so, I just wished he would just ejaculate over Uribe's face and get it over with. Impartial broadcasting at it's best by the BBC. Then came the piece de resistance. After his brief interview/orgasm, James announced that 'I support this man' and claimed that he was exactly what Colombia needed. This, if nothing else, was evidence enough that charlie really fucks you up permanently. No mention of Uribe's well documented links to terrorists in Colombia, no mention of how Colombia is perhaps the world's leading terrorist state. No, just James giving Uribe some cheese before bending over before him and allowing Uribe the privilege of ramming his...........

Now, I know this has come across as rather flippant and cynical of what James was trying to do and, well, it is. While it is laudable that James was brave enough to confront the consequences of his actions (unlike some of his pampered contemporaries), he could have looked into the circumstances a little harder (although, granted, with the new 30 minute running time, it is hard to imagine any subject being covered in depth on Panorama anymore). Presented with a golden opportunity, James could have confronted Uribe on his support for terrorists that also rely on the coke business. Instead, he was unquestioning in his support of a leader who has extensive links to right-wing paramilitaries. In the hands of a more experienced documentary maker, this could well have been an insightful, thought provoking piece on the situation in Colombia. Instead, it was rather like much of James' musical output over the past few years - undemanding and uninspired. God I hated Blur and their Britpop buddies.