The Spin Zone

Royal Navy Headquarters, Portsmouth

Brainstorming session in progress......

Officer 1: Right chaps, the Prime Minister is furious. This whole saga over our personnel has made us look very bad indeed. We have to come up with some ideas to turn this back in our favour. Any ideas?

Officer 2: Well, we could start by claiming that they were made to wear distinctive clothing, to humiliate them.

Officer 1: Good, that's a start. We might need to crank it up a little though. Anyone else?

Officer 3: We could say that their hands were bound.

Officer 1: That's more like it.

Officer 4: What about solitary confinement?

Officer 1: Excellent!

Officer 2: And that they were subjected to 'mind games'.

Officer 1: Great work chaps, we're getting some excellent stuff here.

Officer 3: We could also mention mock execution.

Officer 2: And that they were heard cocking guns.

Officer 1: Great stuff chaps. The PM will be pleased. All we need to do is get the media onboard and we're onto a winner. No-one really trusts those Iranians anyway, this will just prove it. One more thing, where did you get those ideas from?

Officer 2: Are you joking sir? They have been the policies of the coalition for the past five years.

Further information: The Final Draft Statement.