The Taste of a Gorilla's 'Stick'

There is nothing to compare with the love between a man and a woman. It is a very beautiful thing. The companionship, the passion, the mutual understanding and, of course, the er, you know [cough] erm, messy stuff. Until, that is, a gorilla's stick enters into the equation. There can be nothing comparable to the pleasure shared with an ape and his stick.

We've all been there. Come on, don't get all coy on me, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Oh it starts all innocent. One gorilla, one stick. You can even forgive the ape for putting the stick in it's mouth. But then things start to take a turn for the worse. He looks at you, you look at him. A wry smile spreads across his face. He knows you want it. You're not too sure. But then you catch the twinkling in his eye. He knows exactly what you want. He pokes it through a hole in the fence. You reach forward. But you pull your hand back at the last moment. Is this right? Should I feel this way about his stick? You look at him again. He wants to share. He pushes it towards you. This time you won't pull back. How can something so wrong feel so right? You open your mouth..................................

And then you realise. This lolly-pop stick has been in a gorilla's mouth. What were you thinking of? Are you fucking nuts?? You really should get out more. Meet people. Don't share bodily fluids with a fucking ape for fuck's sake. You don't know what diseases it may be carrying. You filthy beast.

(for G and N)