That Incident in Vienna

I mentioned in passing a humorous incident that occurred in Vienna, when I was inter-railing around Europe with a few mates, over at Smash The Machine. I was unwilling to lower the tone on his website, so I thought I would post it on mine!! I told tell my friend who was affected that I was likely to post the story, but I promised not to publish his name.....so I won't, I'm good like that. First of all I had better point out:

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED, OR ARE SENSITIVE TO PORNOGRAPHIC CONTENT, PLEASE STOP READING NOW!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, STOP IT OR I'LL TELL YOUR MUMMY!!

Ok, I think we are safe now. Well, a couple of years back a few of us went round Europe to Berlin, Prague, Vienna and Budapest (as well as some other places along the way). We had a great time with many memorable stories (not to mention the fact we seemed to get in a spot of bother in every city we visited - think we might be barred from some places!!). Anyway, we pitched a tent just outside Vienna and spent the subsequent four days getting public transport to the centre. We liked Vienna with its grand buildings, museums and cafes, but it was not our favourite stop off (Berlin was mine - very cool city, you must go there!!). I must explain, two of us (myself and X) were into the cultural aspect of the trip, the other two (Y and Z) were more interested in getting pissed whilst also taking in some of the sights. They were happy to go along with most of our suggestions and a good time was had by all!!

Whilst in Vienna, Y had become rather infatuated with the rather liberal minded magazines that were sprinkled around metro stations and newsagents. So enamored was he, that he took to buying one. I clearly disassociate myself from such material, it's just not my bag. Anyway, he enjoyed the many graphic scenes on show, much of which looked pretty extreme (not that I looked you understand). Quite why anyone feels the need to buy into all that is beyond me to be honest.

Anyway, the time came to pack up and leave and Y didn't quite know what to do with the magazine. He presumed the material was illegal in the UK (which it probably was) but on the other hand, he didn't want to just toss (sorry!!!) it away. The rest of us wanted nothing to do with its depravity, so it kinda sat that while we packed, each of us unwilling to claim it as ours. Now, X had one of those cylindrical containers with a poster in it, you know with a plastic cap either end, that was for a girlfriend. Well, I thought it would be a good wheeze to hide it in there and then, when the time is right, reveal all before we left for England (I'm not totally evil you know!!). So when X went to the toilet, in it went to much childish sniggering and we forgot all about it.

We made our merry way down to the bus stop and stood there with the children, the oldies and the conservative looking mums and dads, waiting for the bus to come. We were all excited, we were off to Budapest and all the delights that were waiting for us there in a new exciting city. Like I said, we enjoyed Vienna, but we felt Budapest was going to be that much more impressive(which it was). Eventually, the bus made it's way over to us and we stepped forward to get on the bus. As the doors opened and I stepped on I heard a gasp from behind me. The cap from the poster container had fallen off and out had dropped the hard-core pornograpic magazine which had, rather unfortunately, fallen open on what could only be described as a girl-on-girl pose of a very hard-core nature. Naturally, everyone saw exactly what was in the magazine and everyone started laughing at the expense of X who was, of course, rather red in the face. Of course, he couldn't just leave it there, so he had to pick it up and put it back in the container and suffer the indignity on the bus to the railway station. Throughout the entire journey every Austrian on the bus was laughing and pointing at X who tried to avoid any kind of eye contact, whilst the rest of us laughed uncontrollably at the back of the bus!! In fact, just writing this story has put a much needed smile on my face!

Now I am not proud of my actions whatsoever. I had no idea that would happen, and if I had known that it was going to happen I wouldn't have done it. However, the whole thing was perfect in so many ways. The fact it fell out in a crowded bus queue, the fact that it fell open on the most hard-core page in the magazine, you couldn't image anything so totally embarrassing for X. Luckily he now sees the funny side of the incident, and the four of us regularly look back fondly on the event as another memorable moment from our amazing trip.